| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|11:59 pm] |
Man I haven't posted a post in a loooong looong time...But yeah.. been caught up with uni..I realise there's no life outside uni.U study , u eat,u sleep , u die of exhaustion..
But yes this year has taught me a lot more than just uni..it has taught me about friendship,trust and betrayal.I mentioned betrayal because that's the last thing tht happens before u "drop em like it's hot".This year has taught me what it's like to completely trust someone and hve them take advantge of u.It has taught me waht u want in a true friend.I mean of course there are moments with certain people and ur liek omg this is the most happiest day of my life and it cannot get any better.Well, ur right abt that one because the next thign that happens cannot get any better;it can only get worst.But by the time the maximum is reached, there's no turning back.
Over the past few months I've seen friends stab and betray each other.Hell, I was betrayed n stabbed as well.I mean it hurts a lot and I already started to let go.It's a painful process.Because when u think ur getting better, something always happens n then u hve to pick urself up agen.It's not easy letting go of ur potential soulmates.I mean I'm someone who believes my soulmate can be found in many people not just one.So it hurts even more when tehy all betray u.
My best friend is an exceptional disappointment.I spent the night and many hours comforting her when her stupid doofus bf screws up n treats her bad.For two years I have been by her side.When it came to my turn, she fucks off n instead goes to my favourite cafe with two of my other frenemies who did wrong to me.I mean honestly what kind of freind is that?There were moments where she'd call me out for cffee in th middle of the nite to talk abt her stupid same old problems on replay n told me to take a bus home on a fri nite because she didnt want to drive me hme.Nw she has stolen my other friend to her side n told me to cut all ties w him.What kind of friend does that?But then agen he wasn't so much of a good friend eiter..Ditching my birthday for a date n coming late just in time to see the end of the prty where it was alreyd too late to make speeches.Then allowing others to think he had a thing for me to cover his affection for another.In the process, I was embarrassed n so was he.What a big joke.Friends dont do tht.Imean we've been thru a lot of shit with him saying a lot of cutting words to me n many times hve i deleted his number..N i thought aft everything id just let him go but then he'd come back n apologise n try n work on our friendship.But now it's too late .I mean we're back to pretending which is better than nothing.But everytime i see him i know he's been w my ex best friend.It just pisses me off so bad because he's always hanging out w her n she tells me she's sooo busy.Like she can't even make time for me.What a loser.
RAGE... too much things to type.. RAR |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2009|10:34 pm] |
oh gosh it's been so long since i've written a post.Exactly half a year ago.HAHA..
Anw i can't believe i'm turning 21 in like a week's time.I've become so old.I've felt that i've been through a lot in my 20 years on earth.Experienced prob more drama than normal people would've.
I think I know now what it's like to have your heart broken into a million pieces by someone u've admired for a couple of months.It's not pretty.Esp when he makes u sound like a complete loser who can't even sort things out and loves to mope and dwell in your own problems.And the worse part is he puts it bluntly how the 'reality' of life is that i will fail not only finance but everything.He says tht i should "rise" out from all my problems and do what needs to be done.I mean i agree with that but there is def some need for tact in all tht. And friends don't storm in your apartment at 11pm at night when there are guests over to demand to 'have a word' with you.They don't embarrass you in front of your friends by giving a talk on how they hate your attitude towards your studies and all.Or say I've looked at your work and ur gonna fail.
Also, they don't tell ur flatmate who u've been having problems with tht they should look out for u because u will fail everything.
I think he ought to show some respect and encouragement because that's what real friends do.
Anyway, it's been almost two years and i've finally picked up the courage to tell my flatmate to move out.I just can't handle the stress of having to deal with her.It's hard.She has 62 mutual friends on facebook.After june i hve to deal with 60 people hating me.great. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|09:47 pm] |
omg... i hate eco so much now.. i could die...
i hvent been sleeping again..i pray its a short spell of insomnia meaning i can sleep tonite..
I think what edward norton said from Fight Club is totally right... when im sleeping im not really sleeping.When im awake im not really awake..
On a heavier note, i hate Glenn.The course coordinator for acctg.HE is sucha DICK. Wth is wrong with him..I know 50% is due to the fact that he is an German American but seriously why does he hve to set stupid papers with a whole lot of irrelevant crap data.Such a bloody waste of time...
I know i should stop complaining.
exams are in less than three weeks!!!!!PANIC!!!!
i only started to understand some parts of eco like two days ago compared to like the entire semester..
why oh why did i hve to take extra papers this sem.. garrrrr |
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| The pieces don't fit anymore |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|12:39 am] |
Hey so it's been sucha long time since i wrote a proper entry.
Anw, this person i know is leaving for japan on a jap exchange programme for a yr.I'm so envious cos it's like any student's dream to go overseas for an exchange programme.But then again,im so bloody lazy in applying for anything so therefore i can't expect anything if i don't do anyhting.
Anw, the thing is,i don't really know this person n hence it won't be too hard on me to see him leaving.But the thing is,i am.And here's why. His best friend has been telling me so much abt him all the time.How she's upset that he's leaving n etc..so i just sit and listen n tke it all in.It's really weird talking to him now cos i hve to filter everything she said.I mean he has no idea how much i know about him.It's like the beginning of a friendship that started way before he knew HAAHA...I can't ask him questions i know the answer to.For eg. What he studies or what he did last weekend ..Cos i know the answers.But anw,i gave him advice on keeping in touch with his good friends.Later on,i found out that the girl actually likes him and i also found out he only sees her as a friend.This is so complicated.But of course i won't tell her cos i don't want to upset her further over his departure.Told him to cherish every moment with his friends before he leaves cos in a yr, ppl change n u can't get back what u hve.Pretty weird telling this to a stranger but then again,i doubt he was that sober anw.HAHA i know two sides of the story.How secretive.I feel like a detective or a spy.
Then i told him to hve a good trip(from a stranger to a stranger) cos i thought it'd be the last time i'd be seeing him.But he invited me for yum cha which made me go aww..cos it meant he was sober n that he took my advice.yay.Gosh, seriously when does one ever get to talk heart-to-heart to almost stranger-like people.I felt so awesome after that.
So yeah i felt so comfortable giving advice to a stranger.It's true how ppl wud listen more to what a stranger says n realise things.
Btw, i realised that wen i went hme frm dv8(this asian dance party), i was the only sober one walking home.I guess i shudn't hve bothered asking two of my friends to walk me home lol. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2008|07:59 pm] |
went to umsa ball yesterday for the first time.Never been to balls that have a live band n slow dance before.I must say,i had an awesome ball partner.Thank goodness i have hot friends who have joined the single club LOL.jokes.I was the envy of the night for most guys cos i get to dance with
ahem a hot girl.HAHAHAHA...man i love being a girl.
But yeah,u know it was so nice n sweet.The music,the live band and the pavlova.I LOVE PAVLOVA.
Then i kinda noticed that some guys were kinda unhappy cos i think they didnt hve dates.And the girls they wanted to dance with were dancing with someone else. AWww...poor thing..LOL
Man i wish i cud go to the ball with prince charming.But too bad.Michelle had to be my prince charming lol.Nevertheless it was still an awesome night.
Danced w tw.My lunch buddy for monday afternoons.It ws pretty fun cos i showed him new moves n how to get jiggy!!LOL |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|05:49 pm] |
man its been so long since ive actually typed an entry..poor updates,poor contact skills and extremely bad interaction with friends.
the new sem has begun and im like going to faint soon cos im taking more papers than usual.Jap is like killing me cos u hve to revise everyday.Then comes acctg.I seriously hate it cos although ive done 101 im still lost.This sem ive got TEN acctg assignments which are worth 1% each.I hate this..Not even worth the time and effort getting it done..And i couldnt even balance the damn thing.I have ten dollars unaccounted for.I checked everything and i swear im right.ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.I honestly dont hve a life.
Ive also been stressing cos im considering moving out of my apartment,away frm my flatmate and her bro lol..I guess i need a change in environment.I dont understand hw ppl can watch so much tv n be totally engrossed in it.When they watch tv,u dont exist n u find urself talking to a wall.so i promised her i will live tog w her next yr.She isnt that bad at all its just i want a change for a while.
I wasnt that upset when she took my wrapping paper n gave it to her bro to use it to wrap his love interest's present.I was kinda annoyed cos first of all it's mine and i thought we agreed that we wud use it to wrap my other friend's present.I think its a build up of emotions because u see,my flatmate is pretty calculative which is good and bad.Good cos u know u will pay rent on time n when it comes to splitting the bill everything is fair and square.But when it comes to a friend level,she fails in the financial department not cos she cant afford but cos she wont spend on u.I call it the sesame incident.I needed sesame seeds in a bottle n the convenient store had ones in tubs n i only needed some so i asked her bro to talk her into letting me hve hers.I mean ive been really generous towards her.I always share my stuff w her.I dont expect her to repay me or whtever but when i need something,dont always calculate hw much i owe u.She then said she will charge me 2.50 for the sesame seeds.Like seriously it's only 2.50 let it go.Even her bro asked her to let me off 2.50.Then it became ugly.I see the ugly side of ppl even myself (as i bitch abt it on my blog).And ive seen her ugly side but this seems to be the ugliest of them all.She directed her attention to my pods(my fav choc dessert snack) n asked me if she can have some.So i said ok.Then she said it'll be the replacement for the 2.50 i owe her but i dont hve to pay her if i gave it to her.Never in my life hve i experienced such audacity.Hw can u randomly pick something n put a price on it and who is she to choose what wud be the right replacement for 2.50??
Then yesterday,i discovered she used my coloured markers wo asking for my permission.So i just told her she needed to ask me next time like hw she let her bro take my wrapping paper wo permission.So she said sorry n asked if she cud use it perpetually wo asking since its quite mah fan.I said ok.
I told her n her bro tt i intend to move out not because i m upset but becos i need a change of environment which is true.I cant study on my bed for the rest of the semester.All of a sudden they became really nice ot me hahaha.I mean her bro has always been nice just her.Im not her sister she cant treat me like crap n expect me to stay.Cos if she continues the way she is i'll leave for good haha.
The other day i kinda made her bro cry cos i dissed him abt his love interest.I guess i can be quite heartless sometimes which prob explains why no guy wants to date me haha.But as a good friend i was just saying that the girl isnt even his close friend n he is already stressing over what nail colour she likes for her b'day present.He thought the lipgloss on display was a good present but it cudnt be bought.u had to buy something along the shelf to get it n so he got the nail polish package but the nail colour was beige so he wasnt sure if she liked it n the entire time we were walking he was like yak yak yak...will she like it?!so i got pissed n started being really sarcastic.And said she was dating this other guy n he cudnt do shit abt it.Then he started crying.I felt so so bad.I havent made a guy cry in like five years.lol.So i bought him pods n chocolate cos they are a guy's best friend when he is sad.I din mean to make him cry..scary.lol.but all is good now n i hpe i can move out soon so tt i can STUDY n get A ++++...haha |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2008|04:41 pm] |
so im here in lvl four ic studying fr my jap exam tmr which is giving me a headache.Like honestly,u hve to be super sharp to write jap cos all the alphabets confuse my poor brain cos they are soooo disgustingly similar to each other..They're not as inventive as the chinese..
So i was so bored htat i decided to go check up ijc's website and to my horror guess what i found?
hohohoo...i found that they posted the school song(cos initially we had a sch song but we got dick lee to rewrite n recompose it cos it was to pop-like )on the website with a video showing all the lyrics so tht u can sing along like karaoke..like who does that???!!
And it caused me to roar with laughter because the remade song sounds exactly like one of those lame-ass national day songs with the exact same type of beat and with endings that drag on and go higher and higher like "reach for the STAAAA --- AAAAAA--- AAAAARRRRSSSSSSSS!!"You know like one of those national day songs we were forced to sing in primary and secondary school to encourage national patriotism?
Thank goodness i graduated earlier before singing it.I would hve killed myself.HAHAA.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|10:16 pm] |
Man,i realised i haven't typed an entry in ages..Exams are coming in two weeks and as usual i am so dead.But this time it's serious cs my sleeping problem lasted for 7 months.It was 7 months of hell.But i think i am better because i trust that God will heal me and he has since like two days ago which is awesome.
No one knew what i went thru.It was terrible but i am so glad that i am out of the wilderness now.yey!
Now i will talk about my issues with myself.I think I am going crazy.I have poor time management and i rely on too much drugs.Next,I have an unnaturally low blood pressure which makes me want to faint all the time.Funny hw i cant faint and sleep.And because of all this,I suspect i have a chemical imbalance.Btw i did acupuncture and sometimes it doesnt hurt but when uncle jack moves the needles they hurt like hell lol.So there i was screaming in the room but cracking up at the same time cos im just so ridiculous sometimes tht it's unbelievable.Then he gave me a massage and it hurt but was ticklish at the same time which made me laugh as well.
I'm also trying to sort out my emotions for inanimate creatures.LOL.Last yr,i was kinda in love with my bed and i realised tht it helped me want to sleep.So im trying to love my bed but howe slept on it before me and maybe thats why i feel like i cant love my bed.Cos when i dwell on it,i think abt hw much germs he left on it which makes me feel like murdering him.But that's not very christian like.This in turn makes me think abt what a bad christian i am.
And i'm pretty mean to him too.Today,i was really rude to him cos he came over to see his sister n brought the flu along.And since exams are coming i got really upset.Instead of praying,i take it out on him n say really mean things to him like "sei zai bao" and "lei fai min ho chou" which is really really bad.
Anw what really bugs me is that exams are near n im trying to study in the lounge n his sis n him watch the tv like every single day at night.Seriously.I got so so pissed.Then he came w the flu n closed the doors n windows.Yest,the rubbish bag was removed frm the bin n rubbish water spilt out on the floor which made me so mad.So i had to calm myself down.I felt like strangling both of them yest.I've never been this angry in a long time.But thnk goodness i didnt yell cos then it'd wud reflect so bad on what i totally believe in. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|07:23 pm] |
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today i felt like an absolute dipshit |
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| 2008 |
[Feb. 22nd, 2008|05:09 pm] |
YEY!This is my first entry of the year!!
I would like to say this would be an exciting first entry but truth be told,it ain't.
I would first like to talk about a dream i had this afternoon.Honestly,i rarely have nightmares and if i do have nightmares,they're usually about failing exams or doing badly for them.
This dream was really weird and it was as though i've dreamt this dream before but a very very long time ago.
Anw,this dream occurred on a train travelling across mountains covered with ice.It was extremely cold and i cud actually feel it.Then i arrived and i saw someone familiar.Then later these people who had distorted faces came towards me n they wanted something from me.They started pulling my spirit or soul out of my body but my spirit clung on and refused to go.So,it hurt really badly and i actually felt something was being pulled out of me.At this pt in time,i was struggling.My legs were kicking and my heart was racing.I forced myself to wake up in order to escape.
The room turned from black to white.Seriously,how freaky is tht.I had this happen to me before when taking afternoon naps.
So today's lesson is to NEVER sleep in the afternoon no matter how jetlagged and tired u are.
I recently moved to this new apartment on wakefield street w Cat n her bro.Her bro is leaving in two days and im happily counting down lol.We had a little bit of drama last night.With me screaming at him for coming into my room,bursting my welcome helium balloon and dropping the ice cream (intended for me) on my room floor.But i kinda enjoyed telling him to get out of my room. |
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eecarg's journal